october, 2018; walls, a city of them, around me. not spinning; only looming.
september, 2018; i have no emotions, how can I? i saw you dead. you didn’t wake up. i still had things left to tell you. why did you leave? why did they kill you?
august, 2018; no cemeteries. ghosts do not exist, or you’d have haunted me by now. you’d have come to talk to me. no cemeteries, the sense of an ending lingers there.
july, 2018; a needle buzzes, a tattoo heals. snake on my hip, growth on my mind… a sense of a new beginning, i want it to develop, but it’s stagnant. my calendar still reminds me of your birthday.
june, 2018; depression. resignation. i didn’t think of you, but i thought of an inevitably depressing future instead.
may, 2018; may is slow. nothing.
april, march, february, january, 2018; a drunken, busy haze. a spanish dilemma. an uncomfortable girl stuck in an overweight body.
december, 2017; you’re not there. it’s not the same. but i feel no guilt, no semblance of longing for your presence… but it’s not freedom, it’s only a distinct and shocking unfamiliarity.
november, 2017; i don’t remember; i was probably theorising on the most perfect way to be silent.
october, 2017; probably numbness. it’s where i started to close myself off.
september, 2017; depression augments.
august, 2017; you’re not here. i visit you at the cemetery, but all i can think about is your decaying corpse… and how long it will take for your skeleton to become dust.
july, 2017; your birthday month… for once, i remembered. but you weren’t here.
june, 2017; numbness starts.
may, 2017; depression augments. anger issues take a back seat - hatred for humanity rages.
april, 2017; a month already?
march, 2017; death. the world stopped spinning, under my feet, just for me that day. i walked into the ward, and i saw you sleeping there and i thought i’d wake you, and whisper my final goodbye. i hovered over your dead body for half a minute, unable to speak. then, as if embarrassed, as if i was bothering you, i trailed out of the room - my knees weak.
Most of us like to put on some music playlists when studying, working or doing chores. But what is the best music to listen to while doing such things? What music helps us be most productive?
In any case, a study by Fox and Embrey suggests it’s probably better to listen to music without… [CONTINUE READING]
"par la fenêtre de lettres paresseuses
se gonflent les ventres gracieux
aux nombrils si beaux qu'ils plaisantent
accrochants çà & là aux pensées de zéphyr
une caresse de cils ou bien encore une fleur
même un fruit s'il reflète toute la rate
et aussi le tapis de feuilles d'aulx sauvages
absorbé complètement par ses réparations
(le vent fouille mon veston de poèmes)"
you; of much faith in the one and only saviour jesus christ - the one who thought love instead of hate, who preached pacifism instead of division - why do you stray from the path so, oh little lamb?
you; nationalist, hypocrite, you; patriot, bigot, neolithic thinker, you; of judgemental values and false catholic - why do you stray from your values so, but retain the title of altar boy, son-of-god and religious affiliate?
you; nationalist, hypocrite, you; patriot, bigot, of eukaryotic brain cells - why do you lie to yourself in such a moronic way, inflict your insecurity in your faith onto others, and impose your beliefs onto thinkers?
